X-Men: Dark Phoenix

The trouble with caring too much about things is that you’re likely to end up disappointed. Lucky for me I don’t give a shit about X-Men, so I popped off to see it on Saturday night with no risk of ending up hurt – smart!

I caught the much slagged-off film at the IMAX in the Odeon Luxe, and it was packed to the rafters. Another solo lady plopped down next to me about 15 minutes after the film had started with a fully loaded nachos, large popcorn, and a giant fizzy drink all to herself. Am I in love? Yes.

So, a summary. Um. Sansa Stark is there and she eats a solar flare which makes her very powerful but sort of low level evil. So the other X-Men try to remind her she’s not evil. End of film.

Good Stuff

The great thing about people hating heavily on a film (and me reading too many of their opinions on Twitter) is that you leave these films thinking – well that wasn’t that bad? And that is exactly what happened here. It’s literally fine. I mean it’s not great or even particularly good, but it’s pretty inoffensive. The IMAX 3D experience is also always really immersive which helps to keep my interest – though I did end up checking my watch 3 or 4 times during the film, even though it was less than 2 hours long.

I thought a lot of the effects were pretty cool, and most of the cast are effortlessly skilled actors who really do give it a good go to make the whole thing seem like it means something. I took some time during a particularly dull moment to consider which franchise has the more famous cast – X-Men or Avengers? You have to make your own fun sometimes – don’t just blame everything on the film.

Other things to think about during the film: Jessica Chastain’s amazing blonde hair. Look how smooth it is. Maybe you could shave it off and stick it to your own head? She’s also very good as the villain, but I felt her performance was somewhat overshadowed by the hair situation.

Bad Stuff

All of these films have the same plot. There’s an X-Man. Maybe they’re new, maybe they’ve got a new power? Either way, they’re too strong. They think about using their power for evil? Magneto fights someone with something metal. James McAvoy does emotional speech about how the X-Men are all a big family. X-Man in question agrees, decided to be nice again. The End.

A lot of the recurring themes in the negative reviews are very, very true. Yes, the dialogue is bad. It’s laughable at times – by which I mean I genuinely laughed out loud at one line from pure shock that it had even been allowed into the film.

Yes, Sophie Turner is a bit flaccid. She’s hardly the worst actor ever and I feel bad being too mean about her, but maybe it’s a bit soon for her to be carrying a whole film on her shoulders.

YES, there is an incredibly stupid scene involving crossing a road that didn’t seem to follow any laws of logic. There isn’t enough fun fight scenes to keep the interest up, and by the time you get to the big climactic battle scene at the end, it’s kind of too little too late.

To me, Evan Peters is by far the most entertaining character – but for some reason he’s only in the first half of the film. Why was he missing from the rest? Maybe I zoned out and missed the explanation, but it just seemed like a weird oversight.


It’s just all a little bit rubbish and all a little bit hard to care. ALTHOUGH, when I was leaving the cinema the couple in front of me said “That was so much better than Avengers!” so obviously some people have lost their minds.

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